One off.

Why....sometimes there's no reason.... there's no explanation. you just move forward and leave a trail behind. A plethora of people, things, moments, times, reasons, meanings, words, thoughts, state of mind, beliefs. Everything moves in a different direction, a symbol of change. And how you react shapes you. First reaction is disbelief, discomfort, denial, refusal, rejection, pain.........

Then comes the second stage...realisation, eureka! - revelation.....which finally leads to acceptance, or trying to convince yourself that yeah this is it. This is where I start afresh. This is my next chance. I have to be strong and accept this step...because only after acceptance comes acknowledgement of your position...a true  assessment of where you stand.

A common way to soothe oneself is nothing is in your hands. haha. So untrue. Everything lies with you. You own yourself. You will have to stop taking something which you don't deserve or you have to make something happen for you....nothing and no one will come served on a platter...you make it. Words are the easiest and at the same time effective, but action is rare.

Let's wander, let's roam..let's find a place of our own...
figure out who we are.. utilize our potential...exert ourselves to the hilt...
dream..breathe...feel....see...observe...inhale...
find your own...belong..be wanted...give...extend...smile...feel happy in there...
so tough..so much effort...all for nothing?

Positivism shall prevail...sooner or later. Never forget to believe. Trust who you must.

So freaking philosophical. Moi? Haha. 

Something in what they say

So every word has a meaning...and so does every song. And I connect with every song with some meaning... Some lyrics just go aptly with my frame of mind... I'm a crazy lyrics person - they mean the world to me..and I really appreciate the people who wrote songs even though composing them is tough but giving the feel to the music is also commenndable...so here are some of the lyrics I love the most...

 1. And how can I stand here and not be moved by you
 Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
 Cause you're all I want you're all I need..
You are everything.
- Everything by Lifehouse 


 2. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
-Killing in the name of by Rage Against The Machine 


 3. Hunt you down without mercy, hunt you down all nightmare long Luck runs out , but you crawl back in But your luck runs out -a!
- All nightmare long by Metallica

 4. How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go
 Search for seas of gold
 How come it's got so cold
And how can i be lost In remembrance I relive
 And how can I blame you when it's me I can't forgive?
 - Unforgiven 3 by Metallica 

 5. In this world there real and make believe and this seems real to me
 I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
 When all the pieces fall apart you'll be the only one who knows
 - Let me go by Three Doors Down

 6. You make me wanna call u in the middle of the night
 U make me wanna hold you till the morning light
U make me wanna love
U make me wanna fall
 U make me wanna surrender my soul
- U make me wanna by Blue 

 7. The sound of your own voice must soothe you
 Hearing only what you wanna hear
 - My friend of misery by Metallica

 8. Mr. Charming, did you think you were pure
 Mr. Alarming, in nocturnal rapport
Uncovering things that were sacred, manifest on this earth
(Oh)Conceived in the eye of a secret
Yeah, they scattered the afterbirth
-Mr. Crowley by Ozzy Osbourne 


 9. Talk to me softly
     There's something in your eyes,
     Don't hang your head in sorrow
     And please don't cry.
I know how you feel inside, I've been there before
Something's changing inside you
And don't you know?

Don't you cry tonight, I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight, There's a heaven above you baby
Don't you cry tonight

-Don't cry by Guns n Roses

10. Nothin' lasts forever and we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain
And whenyour fears subside and shadows still remain,
oh yeah I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness we still can find a way
Nothin' lasts forever even cold November rain.
- November rain by Guns n Roses

11. And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
      I'm swimming through the ashes of another life
      There's no real reason to accept the way things have changed,
      Staring down the barrel of a 45.
  - 45 by Shinedown

It's your life, woman!

A speech by Sheryl Sandberg, COO Facebook.

Indeed extremely inspiring. She is urging women to take the ambitious route, to dream big, to lean in and not make decisions on the basis of the future. From this, what I have realised is to live for the present and to live for   myself. One of the biggest hurdle in the progress of women is obviously the majority of men and more than them, a lot of women too. That's my understanding. Why accept what the so-called society dictates and why let  other women suffer from what one woman suffered? In the name of 'protecting' women, and 'making them behave in a certain way' (will never understand this shit), women are curbed world over. You have to speak out, you have to take your stand and other women especially have to and should support you.

At least the developed world offers equality, but like Sheryl mentions equality isn't quality..you have to push yourself and believe in yourself to reach the top of your job! Well, for developing countries, it's a completely different situation. Women are simply a commodity to be used and abused. Extremely small percentage of women are empowered to think and do what they want. Like me. My parents have given me the complete freedom and they never hold the "you're a woman" sword over my head. And that has given me tremendous confidence to dream, to try, to hope that I can do as I want. When I see and read cases where women do not even possess basic rights (from the extremely rich and educated women just marrying an even richer guy and giving up their career for household chores to the women who are supposed to cover every inch of their body and be beaten for wearing nail polish! http://now.msn.com/now/0525-saudi-nail-polish-defiance.aspx),
it makes me realise, we have a LONG way to go to change people's mindset! If the young lot won't THINK any different, they won't DO any different. Your society doesn't define you and make you. You make your life, whoever you are. Have to stop giving the power to judge you to the world! Live and let live! When will people understand?

Till then, I'm extremely lucky to have such amazing and understanding parents. And I hope I can make a difference. 

I'm so far down, away from the sun again

Wish I knew where I stand
Hope to figure out these things I am feeling
One moment up and the other down
It's a winding lane and I'm twisting around

Somehow one chapter has reached its end
The next one has taken its course
Clearly, the story goes on,
but still stuck in understanding what happened before

Conflicts, confusion, unexplored terrain,
all together are driving me insane
A change in what i'm thinking, feeling, saying, doing
Tell me, am I new person now?

Is it me, is it who I want to be?
Is there a metamorphosis or is it evolution?
For the better or the worse?
Such a mind- numbing turmoil

Cannot find a guiding light
to reveal what's going on
Cannot seem to fathom a damn thing
just playing along with the tide

Will I hurt or cause pain?
Will I be able to discern?
Or is that how it goes?
Figuring, discovering, knowing, realization?

- Anonymous

2012- A totally new beginning!

Can hardly believe that life has changed so much...never thought years would begin from April and life would revolve around quarters but that's what seems to be happening now! But I'm not complaining! In fact I'm taking  life head on as it's coming my way...Work is great - not only in terms of what I'm learning and doing but also in terms of interacting with people around me. It's really fun going to work now because of my friends there....our group has become insane fun now!! It's like we're laughing all the time and just enjoying talking all the time..it hardly seems like office environment... thats a good thing..because then its not only about the work...went on a trip and got crazy...it's been going good...




Some moments:

 Washroom moments!!!!

 Narangi Doodhwala !

Awasthi Speaker wala !

 K-girl, Roller and CJ!

Sing for me, just once...

So, I'll always have this soft corner for Alternative Rock. It just expresses me well. Even though I really don't have a favourite genre, my mood decided my genre. So I basically listen to all types of music...different phases, situations, frames of mind bring different music to my ears. So anger goes well with Children of Bodom, ALWAYS! Passion and craze goes well with Metallica. Classics are forever welcome in rock and metal both. A dancing mood brings on clubbing and hip hop to some extent. Then obviously Hindi music songs..the emotional ones and the fun ones too...and other genres which soothe emotional trauma. Basically all goes for me.

I feel like #Lifehouse currently. Jason Wade's soothing voice! I just love how the band's music touches me. Every song has something fabulous about it. Something that attracts me to each and every word and tune. All time favourites are Everything, Hanging by a moment, Sick cycle carousel, Take me away, You and me, You belong to me, Halfway gone, Broken and the list goes on....

There's something in Jason Wade's voice.. something totally attractive...it sounds so honest and so from the heart, you want to believe all he's singing. I also just loovee the lyrics...if I would want to express myself I would use those words. Everything about Lifehouse works for me. And I can listen to their songs over and over again... it's just so relaxing and reassuring.

Luck.Runs.Out

28th Oct 2011.
How I waited for this day to arrive.
May- i got to know METALLICA would be coming to India. it was completely unbelievable and an impossible thing to ever happen. however, soon it was confirmed on Metallica's website that they would indeed be touring India, not only Bangalore but Delhi as well. *omg*
June- waited desperately for ticket information
July- reserved tickets and soon paid for them and got confirmation
The wait till October was unbearable - half believing that this would actually happen..all sorts of doubts crossed everyone- maybe just a joke.
But when in October first week we held the tickets in our hands, it seemed Yes after all it is true! It was a long wait but oh-so-worth-it!!

And we engaged in making grand plans for the day! That included taking off for the day from work, I mean I had to be there from the start! We planned to go early to get in fast and also to chill and meet friends before going in. Basically start the party early!

And then came the day! The 28th of October 2011. All night till 4 am I was listening to Metallica songs..guessing the probable set list and being all excited - could hardly sleep- coz we were up at 8am. Finally got ready and put on the Metallica tshirt and off with friends to the venue. Few people were there but not that many yet. It was 11 am. I left my brother and his friends at the gate since they didn't wanna hang with me and my friends.

I went ahead with my friends and we set up our music (Metallica ofcourse) in the car and the other stuff we had planned..i met my other friends..and everyone was superrr excited. But the phone signal was not working because I tried to contact my brother and I couldn't get through for over 2 hours. And then we went to the mall to use the washroom, from there I connected and got to know that my brother had fainted and all..I panicked! I packed food and drinks for him n rushed back..but I could not get in touch with him because of 2 reasons:
1. No SIGNAL
2. The crowd had swelled to a crazy extent and there was a swarm of people and my brother was in the centre of it

That's Akant and I to the right.
And everyone, including Sanjana and Kunal to the bottom. Sanjeeta was with her friends at the time.
And Arpan I could not find anyway!

Well, we let the people get in first, gates opened at 4. In my hyperness and frenzied anxiety, I could just not tolerate being in the crowd. So we entered towards the end, and sat around far from the stage, bought some merchandise and tried to feel better. Again I went on two searched around the place but no trace of dear Arpan. Finally some announcement was made asking people to move back and it appeared like people were not complying since it was impossible with no one to guide them and the firang guy on the mic called the audience "Buttheads". It was India and he thought he could get away by calling us that. Just really pathetic. And a reason why the crowd became so angry. Worse of it, nothing started till 6 pm..people had been waiting for ages for something to start- there was no opening act - nothing was happening and we were all just getting impatient. Then eventually someone picks up the mic- the same firang guy and declares that there are some"technical glitches" due to which the concert is postponed and asks us to "come tomorrow". I mean random guy, no apologies, nothing. Just a come tomorrow. like wtf. everyone was too shocked to realise what hit them. And some 20 people out of a crowd of 25,000 got really agitated and angered by this announcement and started the vandalism. they had come from so far around the country and waited for so long just to hear this? the point is that it's not the people who should be blamed if you put any crowd in any country who are crazy abt Metallica and have been waiting all their life to listen to them and you are treated horribly and told off like cattle - you can't expect them to just suck it ! There have been riots over shows being postponed in countries, at least nothing that bad happened here. And everyone knows that the permission to hold a concert is not sought in a day, it took months to get permission for 28th and the organizers very well know that.

So ultimately we were victims of a terribly mismanaged event and the worse is that we had so many expectations out of it and had pegged out hopes on it and hardly expected it to go so horribly wrong. Pathetic, sick organization. Also highlighted by the fact that they sold more tickets than the capacity, people who booked tickets online did not receive them- had to wait in 5 hr long queues to get their ticket and were ultimately told that "get in anyway u want we don't care", and the 4 organizers of the shitty DNA networks are behind bars! rotting in jail-  thank god!

Got to know that eventually Arpan got wind of the cancellation as he was right up front with his friends and they left before and we also tried to escape before the scene got any worse. It was a task getting out but that's when the phne finally connected and I spoke to him. *phew*  All through, Akant was a constant support so I didn't feel all lost. And well we did have a decent enough time before the drama started.

Tried to wear off this nightmare by going to chilis and having an awesome meal and the depression hangs over but should pass off- by listening to some more Metallica. Ah!